GPT-3: An Alternate Reality

(I finally got access to OpenAI's GPT-3 yesterday, and it is wild. This is the result of me recreating my coffee horror story with AI.

Prompt

So I had a meeting with some external visitors in the office today. It was just me, so took them to the room and politely offered tea/coffee/water - thinking that like literally everyone else they'd say water or nothing.

— arjun (@adgad) January 22, 2020

One

But they said they'd like tea. I said I'd go get some and went to the kitchen to make it. I was making it and thinking about how I'd have to ask them if they wanted milk or sugar or not, but then I thought "fuck it, they can add it themselves".

I came back with the tea and put it on the table. One of them said "is there any milk?" and I said no, you'll have to add it yourself. They looked at me like I was crazy, but didn't say anything.

I left the room for a bit while they were drinking their tea and came back to find that one of them had added milk. The other one hadn't touched theirs.

I was a bit annoyed because they were the ones who asked for milk in the first place. But then I thought about it some more and realised that they were probably just being polite by asking if there was any milk, so I'm not going to be annoyed at them for adding it themselves.

Two

One of them said "I'll have a coffee, please"

I was like "oh, ok, sure" and went to make it.

When I came back I said "here you go" and they replied "oh, no thanks, I don't drink coffee".

I was like "oh, ok" and put it down.

Then they said "I'll have a tea then please" So I made them a tea.

So they drank it and left.

Then my boss came in and asked me what happened with the tea. I told him that they didn't want it. He said "well that's rude". I said "yeah, but they were visitors so I didn't want to make a big deal out of it". He said "well if someone comes in here and asks for something then you give it to them".

So I'm not sure what to do now. If someone asks for something then should I give it to them? Or is it rude to ask for something and then not take it?

Three

They both said tea, and I went to make it. They had a chat with my colleague while I was gone. When I came back with the tea I asked if they wanted milk and sugar, to which one of them replied "No, thank you - we're both vegans".

I didn't know what to say. I mean, I'm not a vegan. In fact, I'm pretty sure that my colleague is a vegetarian (she eats fish). My husband is vegan, but he's not here today.

I just said "oh?", and then handed them their cups of tea. They thanked me and we all drank our tea in silence for a bit.

Is it rude to ask someone what they don't eat? Or do you just have to make assumptions about what they will or won't eat?

Four

They both said they'd take a cup of tea.

So I went out to the kitchen and made them both a cup of tea, and brought it back into the office.

I gave them their tea, and they thanked me for it. Then they got up to leave. I said "You're not going to finish your tea?"

"Oh no, we don't drink tea."

"But you said you'd have one?"

"We thought you were offering us a cup of tea."

"I was. You said you'd have one."

"No, we meant a cup of water."

"Oh."

Felt like an idiot.

Five

One of them said "I'd love a tea, but I'm really not sure what to do with the teabag".

I'm not sure if I should have laughed or been offended.

Six

But no, the guy went for a coffee and the girl asked for a glass of water. I was like "okay, sure, I'll just go and get it for you"

I come back with the water and she says "oh, I'm not actually thirsty, I just wanted to know if you had any."

I was like "oh, okay. Well, I can get you some if you want?"

"No, that's okay. I just wanted to know if you had any."

I'm not sure what this means. Is it some kind of test? If so, what is the correct response?

Seven

They said "we'd love tea please" and I was like "okay, I'll be back in a minute" and went to make it.

I came back with the tea and they were like "oh, we'd love some biscuits too".

I'm not sure if I should have been offended or not. I just said "okay" and went to get some biscuits.

I didn't really know what to do with myself after that. I didn't want to be rude, but I also didn't want to have to go back up there again. And I didn't really want to sit there while they ate the biscuits either. It felt weird.

Eight

They asked for tea.

I'm pretty sure they were just being polite, but I didn't want to offend them by making them wait for a while, so I went to make it.

I've got a little kettle which takes about 2 minutes to boil, and my teapot takes about 3 minutes to brew. I made the tea, poured it into the pot and took it into the room. They were talking to each other and didn't see me coming in with it. They both looked up when I came in and said "Oh! Thank you!"

They both took a sip of their tea. Then they both put their cups down and said "This is really nice tea!"

I was like "Oh! It's herbal."

They were like "No! It's good."

Nine

They said tea.

I went to the kitchen and got a kettle, teapot, cups, saucers, milk, sugar, spoons...

Then I noticed that the teapot was dirty.

So I washed it.

Then I noticed that the cups were dirty.

So I washed them.

Then I noticed that the spoons were dirty.

So I washed them.

Then I noticed that the saucers were dirty.

So I washed them.

Then I noticed that the sugar bowl was dirty.

So I washed it.

Then I noticed that the milk jug was dirty.

So I washed it.

Then I noticed that the kettle was dirty.

So I washed it.

Ten

They had tea.

I am a fucking idiot.